What Do You Get From Complaining and Gossip?
Will Bowen’s 21-Day complaint free challenge has been getting a lot of media attention lately. It made me wonder why people are finding this challenge, well, so challenging. We, as a society, must be getting something out of complaining or it would be much easier to just stop. How does complaining benefit us. Both complaining and gossip are two sides of the same coin. Complaining is using our words to push back against something in our outside world. It is a use of our linear power to assert our will, even against the will of others. The power comes from getting people to turn against something alongside you, gathering allies, and forcing change through greater numbers. But it can be a lazy form of action, pointing out flaws and hoping others will pick up the cause and actually make the change. If complaining is part of your workplace culture, ask yourself why people don’t feel they can initiate action? Gossip is a shadow behaviour in the circular world. It often is initiated by a person who has a feeling of disconnection, and s/he generates more disconnection by spreading disconnecting feelings to others. Leaders have the opportunity to observe and authentically share the attributes they see in their employees. Saying things about other people’s nature or behaviour that is positive is the reverse of gossip. It is also circular behaviour but it inspires reconnection.
When complaints and gossip happen at work, they break bonds between co-workers. As Will Bowen explains, complaint filled workplaces can become toxic, unproductive, miserable places to be. Passing the workload to others makes the person doing the work feel like a chump. Harvard Business Review’s article on Proof that Positive Work Cultures are More Productive, sets out a 4-step model to create a culture where relationships are created and maintained overcoming the impulse to resort to these negative approaches.
We all know neither a culture nor habits are changed over night. Research shows it takes 21 days to break a habit. (Perfect timing for a challenge.) But when we consciously start recognizing the shadow linear and circular elements we find our selves able to choose to relate to each other from a positive approach. As a bonus, we will find we are not only more productive, but we also will discover the authentic relationships we’ve been looking for.
Discussion:
What purposes do complaining and gossip serve in your workplace?
What are some positive approaches to belonging and connecting to colleagues you have found successful?
Written by Michelle Eades and Kim Hudson
