Interesting Guys in August: Osage County
I am noticing a pattern. Guys in films are being presented as more than heroes (or less than heroes, but always more interesting). I first noticed this in The Hurt Locker. This is a story of a guy who is spectacularly heroic but an abysmal failure at taking it to the next level of maturity i.e.. being the Warrior King who can cross the distance between himself and another. Sergeant William James couldn’t stand the fate worse than death of allowing his heart to exist in someone else. He couldn’t see the deeper meaning in buying the groceries and being there for his son.
Enter August: Osage County. We have a family of women and the men who love them (or try to love them). The mother is a Hag, archetypal speaking. Violet’s unaddressed childhood wounds (Meryl Streep) are causing her to poison those who love her. As she becomes more powerful, she becomes more dangerous. Her husband plays the Martyr, and escapes in alcohol until it doesn’t work and then he finds a more permanent escape. What was really needed of him was to stand up for something better he once saw in his wife, and help her find a way back to it by building a limit to her bad behaviour. She is out of control and it is not helping her or anyone who loves her.
Ultimately, Violet is responsible for addressing her issues but he could be the container gives her time to reflect long enough to to see her power to create connection rather than disconnection. We all need a little help sometimes. It needs to come from someone who loves us and reminds us of what is good in us.
Uncle Charlie (Chris Cooper) has this Warrior King energy. He clearly has a heart connection with his wife, but there comes a point where he will not remain silent about her abusive behaviour. I loved him in that moment (although I did wish it hadn’t taken him decades to figure this out).
It was Julia Robert’s husband Bill (Ewan McGregor), who really enraged me. He put so much effort into appearing to be the sane, level headed one in the eyes of their daughter. He is the embodiment of the Martyr as he makes the point that he was the one trying to be loving by placing his hand on his wife’s knee while driving. It is a show for his daughter in the backseat. So desperate to feed his ego with an image of being a nice guy, he puts his efforts into making a bond with the less insightful young feminine. She is eager to please and easy to impress.
Bill never notices how his behaviour is driving a wedge between mother and daughter to the detriment of both. He is only thinking of preserving his self image by manipulating his relationships with people who care about him.
Of all the things worth preserving in his relationships, he picks the one thing that should die. As a father he needs to step aside and allow a young love to become the new apple of her eye. I found it to be truly haunting when the daughter drives off with the dad completely unaware of how she is being used.
This is the same daughter-father relationship as the one seen in Saving Mr. Banks. The father puts his effort into forming a bond with his daughter because she is a representation of the feminine but in a naive way, completely accepting of his weaknesses. The daughter grows into a woman that is stuck in a cycle of trying to save her father and be true to their bond. But it was a misplaced bond. She should be discovering who she is separate from her parents wishes.
Mr. Banks didn’t model the type of love she should expect for herself. He failed to love his wife in an adult way. Instead he made his daughter an ally in protecting his weakness. A truly coward-like move.
It is rewarding and somehow hopeful to see movies exploring the roles of men in a more nuanced way. There is a quest for maturity beyond the hero that is wonderful to see.
